Ev "Fedora-wearing, Donkey-dick bragging, soon to be sprayed in the eyes with mace" Boyle

Glen Beck TBAG ARMY

Ev Boyle File:
Favorite Activity: Twittering!
Best Characteristic: Enthusiasms!!!
Hero: Mystery from The Pick up Artists
Talents: By far that fastest runner in this league!

Q: Have you ever attempted to suck your own penis?
EB: Yes. Many times but I am physically incapable of doing it right now. I’m fairly sure I could do it with some yoga work. I’m sure I’ve told you about the time my parents were having a large party during my childhood. I went up to bed early (I was young) and started jerking off. The phone rang a couple times but I ignored it – I didn’t want to stop. Turns out it was my parents calling me; the entire party watched me jerk off. This has nothing to do with sucking my own dick but it’s pretty cool.

Q. When you stay up late at night, what do you do?
EB: I reflect mostly. Lot’s and lot’s of reflection. Such as: What is satisfaction? What is quality? How do humans quantify quality? Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance has a wonderful chapter on this very question. I also watch Glenn Beck for some laughs.

Q: Of the women you have slept with, how many have happened because you wooed them on the internet?
EB: Pretty much them all. Most recently, I slept with this lovely young lady named Vanessa Bermudas. She loves Bug Juice and hits me up on the internet ALL THE TIME. So this summer I picked her up from her parents house, drove around, chilled at the beach, went to the diner and then I inserted my penis in her vagina and humped rapidly. She is disgustingly gross. Please don’t look her up on facebook. Also, she’s like 18.

Q. You keep a journal for ‘intellectually stimulating movies," do you really think these are keen observations?
EB: I used to think so. Once in college we smoked some dank ass weed and watched Leaving Las Vegas. I was taking some incredible notes; I was really onto something substantial. Then, Gross and Cory told me Nic Cage’s character was a robot. I looked back at what I had scribbled down and BINGO, perfect sense! Nic Cage must be a ROBOT! It was the only logical explanation! Well let me tell you, Nic Cage’s character is NOT a robot; he just has a Ramone-sized drinking problem.